But that is not what I am referring to here.What I'm talking about is something that happens without our knowledge.

Let me start at my beginning. I spent a number of years as a Real Estate broker. My office was a small one with 20 to 25 agents. Agents with questions and problems that need answers. It fell on my shoulders to find those answers.

Sometimes that became very stressful and my system finally paid the price. I had a heart attack.

During one stressful morning when I broke for lunch I noticed a strange feeling. Being the big tough man I thought I was I shrugged it off and headed off to pick up my wife for lunch.

As I stepped out the office door that feeling returned. Again, I shrugged it off and continued on my way. We decided to go home for lunch and a few moments of relaxation. It was time also for my son to have lunch and too had come home. For one whole hour we could all just be comfortable.

Well, that is where I was wrong. My chest began to give me some trouble. I didn't want my family to see their big strong father figure in any kind of weakened condition, especially my son, so I stupidly sat in my chair in agony until he left to return to his job.

After he left I let my wife take me to the hospital. Sure enough, I was having a heart attack. That was the beginning of my learning. That is where I discovered that the big, tough, macho man didn't really exist.

For all of the adult portion of my life I had been the cold hearted individual. The one person who would never shed a tear.

When my father died I shed not one tear. Most people thought I didn't care about him or anything else. They were wrong, I cared but remained emotionless.

As cold and heartless as I was I would still do as I was told or what anyone wanted. There was a cold side of me and a soft side.

After the heart attack I found that those two sides had reversed themselves. I found that the soft side had grown stronger and the cold side was gone.

For fifty years my soft side had lived for someone else. Done the things others wanted. I had now made up my mind that for the next fifty years I would live for me and do what I wanted.

I also found that my cold heart had begun to melt. I began to understand what it meant to be a part of something. What it meant to have someone care about you.

I saw that my time with my family and friends could end at any moment. I realized that life was not to be taken for granted as I had always done. I should appreciate what I had and be more aware of what was happening around me.

I found a sentimental side I didn't know existed. I find that I care more about my wife kids than I ever thought I could.

I cared deeply for them before but I also took them for granted. It was like they were expected to be there whenever I wanted.

I now have a fear, not that they wont be there, but that I may not be there. Another heart attack could be the one to separate us permanently.

I shed an unseen tear when I see harm come their way or when I feel I may have hurt their feelings. I still try hard not to let people see my sentimental side. I try not to let them see when I tear up watching a TV program.

Yes, I'm the guy who cries when "Old Yeller" dies and I'm the guy who sheds a bunch of tears when a pet has to be put down. I'm the one who is sad at Christmas because there are no kids running down the hall to the tree.

But you know what, I think I like that guy better.

I have talked with several others who have survived a heart attack and find that I am not alone. They too have found a different side that they didn't know existed.

They too have learned to appreciate what they have while there is still time.

I'm not a Doctor of any kind, but I would think that the psychological effect would be pretty much the same for both men and women. Anyone who suffers a heart attack should expect to see some changes in their thought pattern.

Thank God for the second chance.